Rollarcoaster
Lately, I’ve been on somewhat of an emotional rollarcoaster. One minute I’m happy, one minute I’m sad, then the next moment I’m really mad. Where does it all end?
Actually, I know where and how it can all end. But somehow, the prospect of an end to this emotional rollarcoaster is scarier and more depressing than being on the rollarcoaster itself. I find myself afraid of finality. Afraid of not being to turn back. Not knowing what comes next…or how I can bring myself to pick up the few pieces of a broken dream I have left and patiently wait for someone else to fill in for the huge missing piece and also glue everything back together. Everyone is telling me, “there are plenty of fishies in the sea.” But all I can think of is how they wont fit quite right into the hole that he has left behind. It’s like telling a 5 year old when they lose their favorite teddy bear they have slept with and played with for 5 years, “there are other teddy bears in the store!” Or having a dog who spends 15 years being your best friend pass away and thinking “well there are plenty of dogs at the pound.” It will never be the same. People say, “well the next one could be better!” But they just don’t understand. It will never be the same.
Circumstances. If only. Change this. Could’ve been. Change that. Would’ve been. I wish. This. That. If only.
Don’t tell me to put things in perspective. Or about the other fish. I’ve heard it all. I’m just creeping, shuffling along at my own pace.
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