Memories

Oh dear, I never did get around to finishing that Vegas post, did I?  Oh well.

I’m writing again because Kristy Gao directed my attention to this site and the one (beautiful) post dedicated to her which she probably didn’t read because she only looked at the pictures (and which she complained were ugly). Sigh. Such is life. There are always those who can’t appreciate what you do for them : P

Speaking of Kristy, I was packing away old t-shirts the other day and saw her sharpie signature on it in bright red: “Xie mei lin, ni hao huai, but I still love you! : D yang yang” I’m so nice to her, yet she permanently scars my shirt saying I’m mean. Bu zhi hao dai!

A lot has happened over the summer. A lot has happened in my life, actually. Every once in awhile I think about writing down the moments of my life that have passed and I wonder if I will regret losing those that have already passed by–those memories that I have already forgotten. Sometimes I wonder what’s the point. Life comes and goes and in the present, I am a culmination of what has passed and all my experiences, regardless of what I remember. In the end, though, my nostalgic side wins and I feel really sad for letting chunks of my life go by without remembrance.

I feel that this summer has been productive. Not in the typical I-went-to-such-and-such-camp-and-did-such-and-such-internship-and-made-such-and-such-money way. It has been a slow and relaxed time of personal growth, I feel. I made no money. I am volunteering at a cancer research lab. I come home everyday and I cook a meal for my parents. If I have time, I play some tennis with Leo. I practice some lute. I spend some time online catching up with friends. I just live life. What I appreciate most of all is being able to spend time with and help out my parents. As Mrs. Huie says, “It’s an honor to be able to take care of one’s parents.” : ) (She always has wise things to say.) I think that now is the time it begins to really begins to hit you that from now on, the time spent with your parents will slowly decrease over time, until you’re on your own…until you have a family of your own. Scary? Exciting? The feelings waver. I think that most of us don’t realized that we’re adults now. It doesn’t really hit us. Nowadays, I see movie actors and actresses talking in interviews and I think “Those are some well-spoken adults”…and then I realize that I’m older than them. It’s pretty mind-blowing. I saw Raheel Thobani today on the bus back from Emory and we caught up and talked about how old we’re getting. Age 20 sounds like a whole other playing field. So much bigger than 19. Then we laughed about how we’re only 19 and talking about getting old. Imagine what we’ll be saying when we’re turning 30. Or 60. Point is, I still think about life in terms of “what am I going to do when I grow up.” I still want to call everyone Aiyi and Shushu. I’m still a kid… I guess this is one of those things in life I don’t have to worry about. Whether I like it or not, I’m getting old.

Before I forget to mention this, congratulations to Leo Chen. 39Q on the MCATs baby! Even though it is a point less than you wanted, it’s still pretty much an ace, and I’m really proud of you. : )

Another thing I think I’ve come to realize, or at least feel more keenly, is that there are a lot of things in life that I simply can’t control. I’ve realized that I’m a pretty controlling person. I’m becoming more and more like my mom. I like for things to be planned out, or molded to fit my expectations. This includes my boyfriend, haha. I realized, though, that with this mentality, disapointment hits you over and over and really holds you back. Because rarely does anything in life always work out the way you want it to. When I was younger, I remember being a really optimistic and happy person. But as I get older, I feel disappointments more and more keenly, get frustrated more and more easily, and am generally a more high-strung person. (By the way, that’s not how I planned to get older.) Are these day to day little disappointments really worth the unhappiness? Not really. My mom is really cute and funny. She told me to stop being so stressed and easily frustrated or else I might get cancer. Anything is possible I guess. She also forbids me to eat tofu and soy products now. I did a quick google search and there might be some validity to that. Still, I wonder if you should hold yourself back from the joys and loves of life (yes, tofu is one of the loves of my life) in order to live a few years longer. I guess I’m not old enough to really appreciate those extra years yet.

On another note, I am really excited about the new school year. I have already packed my schedule to the brim with classes and extracurricular activities. It seems like every year, I start off so fresh and excited, but the enthusiasm wanes over the year. Every year I think that I’m going to turn over a new leaf and be more organized, sleep more, balance my life better, etc. If there’s any progress, though, it’s definitely slow. Still, I hope that I will be able to continue experiencing this kind of excitement and renewed feeling every year for the rest of my life. It feels great. Even if for a short while, life suddenly seems sparkly and full of potential, new opportunities, and great experiences to come. : )

I think that’s a good and positive place to end my post tonight. I’ll write again.