Memories

for another post. White water on Sunday was pretty fun all in all. The summer is finally getting better just as it’s beginning to end. I’m actually getting out of the house! There were a few highlights of our trip but I think I’ve pretty much forgotten most of them within a day. =( You’d think with all the sleep I’m getting my memory would improve. There were a few creepy viet guys following us around during the day. One of the guys asked me for my name and number while we were in the wave pool and I told him my name was Kristy. hehe (sorry Kristy! at least I didn’t give him your number..) I didn’t believe Kristy when she told me they were actually staring but then I looked over at them in line and they were grinning widely and waving at us. Funniest thing: Tony thumps his chest with his fist and did a peace sign at them right before we went down the ride (apparently the sign for "I’m a pimp"). Then I almost drowned in the wave pool because some chunky people on tubes kept squishing my head under whenever I tried to surface for air. I was saved by two big hulky men though.

Oh yea, Kristy turned down food (a huge cheeseburger!) because she wanted to see how it would look in Mary’s tiny stomach. =D So silly.

After whitewater Mary and Vic bailed on us and I was stuck dian deng pao-ing Kristy and Tony at tofu house. Basically what happened was we ordered and Kristy ate all of Tony’s food before starting on her own. No wonder that kid is so skinny. Still, those two are so cute together. I hope they get married so I can be the bridesmaid =P. Pics are already on fb but I guess I’ll put some here too:

us girls

sexy mary haha

Today I spend a great part of my day playing around with photoshop. I swear that program is so addicting!! I tried to figure out how people did the effect like in Schindler’s list where everything was colorless except that little girl’s red dress and I think I kinda figured it out after two hours of clicking around. I just selected the color, copy/pasted it as a layer, and added a gradient to the background.

Then I messed around with some lighting effects and some filters.

Fun fun. I have to go help my mom cook now. Be back later.

A few more…..

SOO CUTE. this pic makes me sooo jealous cause its sooo cute =P

reddd

movie star amanda: classic =)

elmo

So, for the first time in probably 10 years, I feel asleep around 7:30pm last night. I woke up around 5:45 AM with the most bizarre dream ever. Now I can’t seem to fall back asleep…if only this were a Parkview school day. I know, all of your jaws would be to the floor. Anyways, I’m going to dump my dream here before I forget.

My dream began with me looking for my Calculus book. (I promise you I usually don’t have nerdy dreams!) I had a problem set to do and a calc test the day after and I really really needed it. For some reason I had a copy of the questions already, but I wanted the book so I could check my answers in the back or something. So I drove all the way to school in my little beetle at 10:30 pm and everything was really dark. I tried what seemed like a maze of doors and then realized there was only one door in the far back that would open to the classroom that had my calc book. I was a little scared so I just threw up my hands and decided to go home (I guess I’m still a little scared of the dark). As I rounded the corner to get back into my car, I saw Hope Rogers pull up in the parking lot in one of these:

Don’t ask how. Apparently she was there with a friend to work on a Physics project in which they were trying to build something to race something and test the speed/distance it could travel….Before I could even say hi though, Vishnu pulls up with Anish in the car. They wanted to watch Hope make the physics thingy. I took the opportunity to ask Vishnu if I could borrow his calc book. He was like sure. Relief! I asked him again if he was sure he didn’t need it. In true Vishnu style, he goes: "Yea, I’m probably not even going to do the homework." So I was like: "Ok, I’ll give it back to you in the morning then." And then for some reason, Vishnu and Anish needed a ride home and Anish lived on Beaver Ruin?? Whatever.

Then somehow my dream jumped to Cathy Vu (maybe we talked about her in the car?)…except in all the pictures, Cathy Vu looked like Julie Xu (only Leo knows who this is). I got confused because I remember thinking that Cathy was really pretty, but looking at her bulbuous nose in these pictures, I changed my mind. But I still thought she was nice! hahaha

In the last part of my dream, I was back home already and it was around 11pm. Leo calls me to talk but I’m kind of stressed about calc and want to sleep by 12:30 (wtf?) so I tell him that. He’s super understanding and says that its ok and that he’s glad I’m focused. Then he tells me not to study too late and to go to sleep as soon as possible so I’d be awake for the test.

Then I woke up and had to pee.

All in all, I guess my dream wasn’t that bizarre. Anticlimatic maybe. I didn’t dream about astronauts or pigs flying or anything. And I managed to find the calc book I needed…but Hope Rogers riding a Fisher Price toy into the Parkview parking lot at 10:30pm?? At least Vishnu and Leo were true to self. =)

It’s like 6:30 now…man, even on a Parkview day I wouldn’t be up this early. I guess I’ll share a few funny pictures Leo sent me before I go:

took me awhile to realize heh….

What high school does to you. So true…

hahahaha

Alright, have a great day guys.

It’s been so long since I’ve worked really hard at something that I’ve pretty much forgotten what it feels like. I’m not kidding. I’ve probably complained/said this a gazillion times already, but I slacked my way through junior year and senior year and now it’s hard to remember what it was like before. I vaguely remember the old me, always wanting to challenge myself and take the hardest course load possible. I was so fearless and optimistic. But I’ve changed. I found myself looking through Yale’s class evaluations today and balking at the classes in which students indicated the course load was greater and more difficult than the average Yale class. I found myself interestedly eying the courses with a lighter, easier load. Then I got to the organic chemistry class reviews, and I swear my heart skipped a beat…many times. This is a course I HAVE to take in order to carry out my life’s plans. (Yes, I do have my life planned out, thank you very much.) Almost every student response screamed death. The most encouraging ones went somewhere along the lines of "Well if it’s a requirement for you, its not a bad class to take…" I felt very, very, very scared. Then I remembered those glorious days when I would have gladly taken the course like a spartan, and it brought me back to a question that has been tumbling turbulently in my mind for the past 2 years. What happened to that girl?

Just to let you guys know, I’m not asking for any "awww, don’t worry you’ll do fine!" pity comments. This is not a woe-is-me, I’ve-fallen-from-great-heights entry. It’s more of a musing entry. When I look back, I feel like that girl who always did her homework ahead of time and always colored perfectly in the lines on every useless project was almost robotic. Four years ago someone asked me what drove me, what was my motivation. I couldn’t think of a good answer back then beyond the parental expectation, personal satisfaction, reputation, etc. Lately I’ve been wondering if it was just habit. I was so conditioned to academically succeed that it was foreign to me that it should be any other way. You think habits are hard to break? Not this one. Breaking a habit has never been so easy in my life. There were many factors behind my decision to break the habit. Mostly, though, I was just tired of people thinking that I was perfect. Maybe you don’t understand what I’m talking about because doesn’t it sound oh-so-heavenly to be considered perfect. I think though, more than anything, you feel alienated. From your peers, from your "friends", from the community around you. Sooner or later, success starts to lack substance, and you want more than anything for people to just consider you one of them. So you stay up late at night and do homework the class period before and you become somewhat more normal/acceptable. Some people tell me I’m retarded when I tell them about this and that I shouldn’t have cared about what other people think. Some people congratulate me for loosening up becoming more normal. Some people just go what the heck, who cares, you’re still going to Yale. As for me, I’m not really sure what I think about it.

Sometimes, when I think about how easy it was to be "motivated" when I was younger, I feel very regretful. blahblah why did I let myself slip blahblah. Lately though, I kind of feel like it was just a natural course for me. I might have tipped the scale the other direction too much, but it’s not irreparable. It’s just part of the process of finding balance. I don’t think my mom agrees though, haha. She thinks that once you’ve walked off the path of goody-two-shoes, its near impossible/extremely difficult to get back on track. Thus, she does not want me dipping a single toe out there. And she’s probably right. It’s hard. But sometimes I wish that for once, she’d just say "It’s OK to make mistakes. I’ve been there. But I trust that you will pick yourself up and keep walking." In other words, I don’t feel trusted and consequently, I actually feel less trustworthy. Many times I’ve lashed out at her, asking her to give me some freedom/independence/space. And silently, she has. She doesn’t monitor what time I sleep anymore. I could probably not sleep all night and she wouldn’t say a word. She doesn’t forbid me from going out with friends anymore. She doesn’t mandate that I read chemistry or learn calculus or play piano. The only thing she requires of me is to clean my room. But now I realize, it’s not really freedom/independence/space that I’ve wanted. It’s trust. If I told her this, I know exactly what she would say: "I’d trust you if you had been perfect and maintained that #1 rank, kept your room clean every day, and did everything without me reminding you. But you haven’t. You forget things left and right. You never read your books anymore. You got a C in Chemistry last semester. How can you expect me to trust you?" Yes mom, that is very rational of you. But when Aladdin asked Jasmine "Do you trust me?" before taking her on a magic carpet ride, he didn’t have to give her reason to. As far as she knew, he was a bread-stealing rascal from the streets with an old dangerous looking rug.

Anyways, there really is no point to this entry. Just me thinking about some things. If you really really wanted some moral to my ramble, here you go: things have a way of working out. Hakuna Matata. If you’re not meant to be the next president, you wont be. I don’t mean to be depressing but really, it’s all a matter of your perspective and your will. Your life is what you make of it. I think.

By the way, I’m just kidding about having my life planned out. I’m not that lame.

Ok, that’s it. I’ve had it. I have only worked at Abercrombie for two shifts, and I already have a rant on it. Worst work experience ever. First of all, I’ve been hired for 3 weeks and have worked a total of two 5 hour shifts. Two! On one of the days I was scheduled to work, they called me last minute and told me they didn’t need me to come in. Seriously, if you don’t need me, what are you hiring me for?

Actually, let’s back up to orientation. I had a negative feeling about the job even then because the girl who gave our group the orientation was impatient, whiny, and just not pleasant. She ended our meeting with a "What is so confusing you guys!? Whyyy don’t you guys understand? Seriously it’s just punch in and blahblahlblah. It’s not that hard." when someone tried to ask her nicely how to print our schedules. Little more patience and a little less attitude please. I don’t care if you’re a manager or not, your assistants are not beneath you as people just because Abercrombie is just a summer job for them as opposed to a lifetime bill-paying career for you.

Fast forward to the present. Abercrombie has taught me that I am no longer the OCD perfectionist I once thought I was. Talk about anal. Every hanger has to be perfectly equidistant. Every folded stack of clothing has to be perfectly aligned. Every mannequin has to be sprayed with toxic cologne every 10 minutes. Every rack of clothes has to have all hangers in a question mark facing the door except the demo piece facing the customer. All the tops go on racks that must be raised two inches above racks with bottoms. Pricetags cannot be in view. You must hide the pricetag every time a customer spends forever looking for it and pulling it out. (You’d be surprised how many customers ask me how much something costs because they can’t find the price tag themselves.) Every customer must be greeted with the tagline "Hey what’s going on" even though almost none of them acknowledge your existence and probably prefer that you leave them alone. (A few years ago the tagline was "imagine how sexy you’d look in our new jeans." yes, you may laugh.) Actually, the music is LOUD. Even if you yell "Hey what’s going on" you can barely hear yourself. Who can blame the customers for ignoring you when you sound like a mosquito compared to the music? You are given one 3′ by 3′ space to walk around in. You are not allowed to leave that space. Yet you are supposed to maintain the above perfection of the entire 50′ by 50′ room while not leaving that space. If a customer asks you for help, you’re suppose to walkie talkie someone else to help them because you cannot leave that spot. If you are not folding/straightening something in that spot (god forbid there’s nothing to fold/straighten), a manager walks by "catches you" not doing work. There is nobody to talk to most of the time. It’s boring. If you accidentally yawn, somehow a manager walks by again and tells you you’re not supposed to be bored. (Of course I’m bored! But I’m putting on a smile regardless so forgive me if I accidentally yawn.) It is a minimum wages job, of course, with supposedly a good discount of 30% of regular full priced items only. Considering how expensive their cheap-quality clothes are in the first place, this is not really that great of a deal. The initial 50% discount can apply only to the few specific items the mannequins are wearing. That means no, you cannot use it on that tank top but in a different color. It has to be the same style, same color. Oh but you can choose your size, lucky you. Don’t want to buy? Well you’re supposed to wear their brand. Not only their brand, but the same color that the floor set mannequins are wearing. Technically they can’t force you to wear their brand, but if you don’t, they can’t fire you but they can definitely assign you fewer hours-no hours. Man, I don’t even know why I’m ranting about this. I quit.

Maybe I’m just bitter that I have a crappy job and you don’t, but believe me, this is not a glamorous job to have. Don’t be fooled that your job title is "Model" because working there is no catwalk. I’m just tired of Abercrummy overall.

——————————————-

Now that I’ve finished ranting and feel slightly nicer, here’s the flip side. It’s understandable that Abercrombie wants to present a image of perfection and have high standards for maintaining that image. It’s understandable that employees who willingly work there are expected to comply to those standards. In the end, it’s just not a job for me. The opportunity cost outweighs that 30% discount.

Today is one of those random days I just feel gloomy. I woke up at 8am to help my mom fold laundry. Then I decided it was too early and went back to sleep. I didn’t wake up again until 2pm and found the house empty. I moped about, ate, and lay on my bed staring at my computer screen for a few hours…then decided I should clean up my room a little and pack some winter clothes. It was drizzling/raining outside all day so everything was grey, yes, including my mood. Then I ate again and went upstairs…

You know how some people could do nothing, eat, watch TV all day and be happy? I think that kind of life severely depresses me. I become lonely to the point that I don’t even realize I’m lonely anymore and all I want to do is pull my covers around me and not be bothered by anyone…and become more and more depressed. You know how I was super stressed during the school year and never seemed to have enough time? I think I was happier then. I’m happiest when I’m busy, when I’m actually doing things, accomplishing things, seeing people everyday…oh, you know what I really miss? This might seem silly but I really miss my planner. I think I’m going to go out and buy one in the next few days. I miss writing out and crossing out all my tasks, assignments, and activities for each day and watching as the pages get filled. Yes, I will do that. I will get a planner and it will save me from myself.

I thought this was mildly funny (despite the reference to my fatness at the end):

Maylene:

cute right?

David: not really

David: he looks too much like leo…..

Me: this one’s cute right?

David: this one is really cute mostly because you’re so tiny

David: hard to imagine you ever being small

————-

Baby pictures always make me smile. If I’m ever bored enough, I will post a baby picture of every one of you people (if I can manage to dig one up). =)

<3maylene

I haven’t laughed so hard in ages. Yesterday I went to work with my mom to help her out in the office. When we were leaving, I walked to the elevators as fast as I could (while my parents trailed significantly behind) and hit the down button. For some reason, both elevator doors opened, and as I figured my parents would catch the other open door, I walked in one, hit Level 1, and proceeded to descend. The last thing I saw/heard as my doors were closing was my mom through the <1inch door crack going, “ai ai aii! Linlin!” So I chuckled a little and thought, ’she’ll just catch the other with my dad.’ I think you already know what happened. I walked out of the elevator on the first floor simultaneously with my dad walking out of the other elevator. We kind of stopped, looked at each other, and cracked up. Then we stood there watching the elevator and waiting for my mom. She didn’t look too happy when she walked out. Very indignant, hahahah, although I do think that expression on her is rather cute.

Btw, do you guys think pigtails are hot? Leo thinks they are. I think he’s just pedo. Pigtails are definitely something reserved for 5-year-olds. I did find a zipia model, however, who can pull off pigtails and look hot…

Actually, she’s more of a “cute.”

I woke up at 9 today to my mom banging on my door. But then I decided it was too early and went back to sleep. Then I woke up around 9:57 to some old guy calling. I didn’t pick up and he left a message in my voicemail to some girl he was probably trying to hook up with. Chances are, she’s not going to call back… Noob si la. Anyhow, then my dad says "chi fan le" so I dragged my butt out of bed and ate, washed dishes, watered flowers for my mom (I don’t think my mom cares that there’s a drought lmao), and here I am now. Today is supposed to be "cleaning" day for some reason. My dad didn’t even go to work. I’m supposed to clean out everything underneath my bed…but I think I might need more than one day. A week sounds good. I’ve been suppressing this urge to pack up all my stuff for college for awhile now and I think it’s about time to stop fighting it. I am going to drag two suitcases upstairs in a few minutes and go through a few hours of to bring-not to bring. Seriously, how do people choose? People always tell me to bring the bare necessities so it’s not a nightmare moving out, but if I’m going to be living there I want it to feel like home. You know? I pretty much want to carry my entire closet over there. Oh well, I’ve got 2 months to change my mind and switch things out I guess. lol. Yay to being a woman.

So I got back from our 4th of July rafting trip yesterday and there are a few highlights I want to write down before they disappear from the annals of my memory.

• Jimmy tosses a tiny pebble at Victoria. Victoria whips around, flicks him off, and prances off twisting her butt from side to side. Later that night we’re cracking up about it and she says: "I looked like a huge bitch, didn’t I?" (yes, you did =P) Reminds me of the time in 4th grade when I tried to talk to Kellie Terwilliger while she and Victoria were on the swings. 4th-grade-vic: "You can’t talk to Kellie cause shes MY friend….why are you still standing there, do you wanna get kicked?" ROFLMAO. Best memory ever.
• Victoria is talking to me. Huge red neck rafting guide stalks over: "What do you think you’re doing? I’m only going over the rules once…" Victoria (meekly): "okay.." HRNRG: "I’m just kidding."
• On the trip, Victoria keeps resting her foot on the HRNRG’s foot. Then, while we were in this really calm stretch of river, one minute she’s sitting up, the next minute I look over and she’s sprawled on top of the HRNRG’s legs with feet in the air. ROFLLLL. Such a Mary thing to do. Anyhow, later Vic says: "UGH! It would have been so much better if the guide was actually hot."

Haha, I love you Vic!

Got to go clean house now. Toodles.

p.s. Will add rafting pic at later time. This post will not be bereft of pic.

I really don’t. Supposedly, I could write about my life and my plans and my yadayadayada, but every day is really just another summer day. I don’t see any friends either so I can’t really write about the retarded things they do. I guess I could write about the silly things my mom does, but if she ever read this site she would kill me. (She yells at me everytime she hears the word "mom" when I’m on the phone with anyone. It’s pretty funny. Sometimes I’m not even talking about her but she thinks I am. Anyhow, she should be honored! Really, how many teenagers enjoy talking about their mom to their friends…) Anyhow, since I’m at a loss for words, I could make a list of the things I’ve done today.

1. sleep

2. wake up

3. get online

4. watch desperate housewives

5. call leo intermittently while he’s at lab

6. get tired of watching the housewives and practice being one myself (cook dinner, clean the kitchen, wash the dishes etc)

7. watch desperate housewives again

8. write this post

I could probably add running and reading chem to that and it’s another day of my life past by. Strange to think of it that way, huh? While some people might give anything for another day or so of their lives, I couldn’t care less if I missed the entire next month of mine. I just want to be at Yale, living the American [college student's] dream, going to class, hanging out with friends, attending club meetings, etc. Heck, I even miss studying. I guess you could argue that I could easily get some books and study right now, but with no class/no imminent test to study for, there’s definitely 999999x less motivation. The next best alternative is to live vicariously through the characters in movies, tv shows, and books…hence desperate housewives. Do I sound a little desperate here?

That being said, V for Vendetta is an amazing movie. I’d recommend it to anyone who loves multidimensional movies heavy on symbolism, political undertones, and fantastic cinematography. Anyone have any other movie recs? Book recs? Anything?

Since no post is complete without a picture (excuse my last post), here is a picture of the wonderful residential college, Timothy Dwight, I’ll be living in for the next 4 years of my life:

Looks like the ideal little college setting, doesn’t it? The first time I looked at this picture, I wondered why such a beautiful tree was half bald. Then someone pointed out that it was a different tree in the background that was bald. Ooops. Since we’re on the subject of Timothy Dwight, though, I might as well give my thoughts on it. Being sorted into residential colleges is kind of a big deal at Yale (comparable to being sorted into houses at Hogwarts). Initially I was kind of unsure and maybe a little disappointed. TD was the ONE residential college I didn’t visit or see at all during my visit to Yale so I had no idea what to expect. It’s also one of the less mentioned colleges, known for being the smallest in size and for housing its freshmen instead of letting them live on Old Campus with the rest of the freshmen. It’s also the most isolated college as it’s located in a little corner far away from..well, pretty much everything besides its sister college, Silliman. I worried about a lot of things–not being able to socialize with the other freshmen, dealing with unenthusiastic and unspirited fellow residents, having to walk long distances through the wintry cold to classes…but then I realized that as the decision has already been made, I’d much rather love it. I got on the TD ‘12 facebook group and found out much more. The residents are all very excited and very nice, we actually have access to all of our facilities through a basement route so we actually DON’T have to deal with walking through a lot of wintry cold (unlike the old campus folks, who have to walk to their respective dining halls…hah!), the community is very tight because of its small size, and it’s architecture (despite not being glamourously gothic) is pleasant and warm. It looks like a home… and it’s starting to feel like one. And I should mention, shamelessly, our interesting fight song:

"Ring the bell, ring the bell! God damn, fuck, hell! Horseshit, assbite! Nobody’s better than Timothy Dwight."

and in response to the Sillimander’s lame retort:

"Our college has a first name, it’s T, it’s T!
Our college has a second name, it’s D, it’s D!
We like to ring our fucking bell
If you don’t like it, go to hell
Cause TD freshmen get more play
Than Silliman seniors any day!"

So cheesy but so great haha. It will be an honor being apart of STD. (for you slow people, silliman/TD)

Alright, enough boring college talk. Kristy, please come back soon so you can tell me about your really interesting and scandalous life in China. I miss you <3

(I miss you too Leo, but I’m going to stop saying that here cause I’m sure more than one person reading this will puke.)

Cheers.